By Ben
Alright guys, so I gotta ask this one. At what point is it reasonable to start a fight? Let's assume we're talking drunk college kids at a party, at one point can you throw a punch and not look like a huge douchebag? When they disrespect you? When they get in your face? When they get in your boy's face? Seriously, help a brother out here cuz I have no fucking idea.
This is a topic today because of two nights ago. I had maybe a little too much to drink before going out to the soccer team's party. Went to the soccer suite, there were a ton of people there. I'm standing in a hallway talking to a girl when some kid comes up and starts pounding on one of the bedroom doors. I'm talking like kicking the door, banging on it as hard as he can, screaming at the top of his lungs. Basically just making a huge seen and being fucking annoying. I guess it was the kids room and he couldn't get in because someone was fucking on his bed but hey, that's his problem.
So after a minute or two of this kid throwing a tantrum outside the door I turn to him and say "Bro, knocking louder will DEFINITELY make him open the door. Trust me." The kid FREAKS out. Like I'm talking starts screaming so loud he's spitting on me, calling me a pussy piece of shit and a bitch and telling me to get out of the party because it's "his suite" and he can kick out whoever the fuck he wants. Yeah bro, sick. You live here, dope.
So the kids in my face screaming at me close enough I could have kissed the motherfucker and all I say is "You want me out? Remove me yourself you fucking pussy." Kid goes off. Absolutely loses his mind, not that I cared. At this point I was pretty heated too and I was absolutely done with this kids shit. A couple of the guys on the team saw the whole thing go down and as soon as they could tell it was going south they grabbed me. I did NOT want to leave. I was fighting all six of them as they tried to take me out of the room, all I wanted to do was go toe to toe with that motherfucker who thought he was hot shit.
When I got outside the seniors on the team were telling me to calm down and that I was being an asshole. Yeah, I chirped the kid but who fucking cares? Kids chirp all the time. If you're gonna take it personally and get in my face for it you have to at least be ready to throw up fists, right? Like it doesn't make sense to get in a kids face and tell him hes a pussy piece of shit if you're not going to fight him. Whatever, kid wasn't worth it anyway.
But seriously guys, at what point is it okay to throw the punch and not look like a prick? If you ask me, that motherfucker was asking for it.
Monday, March 31, 2014
Chick Makes a Lego Resume
By Ben
http://media3.onsugar.com/files/2014/03/28/775/n/1922507/17f09e44fe19cebe_hIsUPxq.xxxlarge/i/Lego-Resume.jpg
Get the full story at: http://www.aol.com/article/2014/03/28/woman-s-lego-resume-has-people-talking/20859092/?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl6%7Csec1_lnk3%26pLid%3D458876
AOL- "A college student made a resume out of LEGOs. She created a Lego version of herself, packaged it like the toy and put a resume inside!"
That'll certainly stand out from the pile. Bowman is majoring in Communication Studies at Northwestern University. She says a potential employer asked her to "create a piece of persuasive advertising with you as the product." Well, she literally did just that!
So I guess this chick made a lego model of herself, customized the package to feature her characteristics and submitted her resume with it? Genius. I wish I had thought of this. If this came across my desk I would instantly hire this chick. Its crazy, its different, its creative. Those are the kinds of people I would want working for me because these are the kinds of people who expand businesses. Seriously, I cannot give this chick enough credit. In today's day and age it's exceedingly difficult to differentiate yourself from your peers in what is an increasingly competitive market and this is the golden ticket to getting noticed.
What's weird to think about is what if crazy resume ideas like this become commonplace? What if every single person tries to do something unique and different to be noticed? Would that be a good thing or a bad thing? It's hard to tell. If everyone's different, you're all the same.
With modern business evolving exponentially every time you blink this could be the next new thing to get hired. Get crazy, get creative, make yourself shine. Take after this chick ladies and gents, she clearly knows what she's doing. She's being noticed, and that's the name of the game.
FIRST EVER MAKE 'EM WET MONDAY!
By Ben
Alright guys so from here on out I'll be posting a bit called "Make 'em Wet Monday" every Monday. Basically, its gonna be a short piece where I give you fuckers a pick up line to try out. Only the best pick up lines here, none of this corny shit that won't ever work.
So you see this girl (left) at a party and you've never talked to her before? Big deal. Grow a pair of balls, walk up to that chick and say, "Hey, I'm (Insert your name). I couldn't help but notice you and I had a question for you." The chicks gonna be like oh god whats this squid gonna ask me. Then you pull out this puppy: "I was wondering, does it make you self conscious to be the most attractive girl in the room?"
BAM. She's yours. eternally in love with you, that line is so good you'll have to get a restraining order when you're done with her. Trust me, its a gift but a curse. Use it wisely.
.jpg)
Alright guys so from here on out I'll be posting a bit called "Make 'em Wet Monday" every Monday. Basically, its gonna be a short piece where I give you fuckers a pick up line to try out. Only the best pick up lines here, none of this corny shit that won't ever work.So you see this girl (left) at a party and you've never talked to her before? Big deal. Grow a pair of balls, walk up to that chick and say, "Hey, I'm (Insert your name). I couldn't help but notice you and I had a question for you." The chicks gonna be like oh god whats this squid gonna ask me. Then you pull out this puppy: "I was wondering, does it make you self conscious to be the most attractive girl in the room?"
BAM. She's yours. eternally in love with you, that line is so good you'll have to get a restraining order when you're done with her. Trust me, its a gift but a curse. Use it wisely.
Sunday, March 30, 2014
Final Four
By Ben
Well looks like I pretty much could not have been more off about my final four predictions. Arizona and both Michigans lost, who would have thunk it? Honestly though I'm not even mad. I'm pretty amped that uconn made it this far. I never saw that in a million years. Good for them though, good for them good for the program.
What's not cool is the police brutality videos coming out on youtube. Bro, cops are here to protect the students not assault them. This is like Blarney all over again. Figure it the fuck out campus PDs everywhere.
Seriously though, uconn fuckin partied hard after they made it into the final four, as they should.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIc4mdV_6pk *disclaimer: I did not take the above video*
Well looks like I pretty much could not have been more off about my final four predictions. Arizona and both Michigans lost, who would have thunk it? Honestly though I'm not even mad. I'm pretty amped that uconn made it this far. I never saw that in a million years. Good for them though, good for them good for the program.
What's not cool is the police brutality videos coming out on youtube. Bro, cops are here to protect the students not assault them. This is like Blarney all over again. Figure it the fuck out campus PDs everywhere.
Seriously though, uconn fuckin partied hard after they made it into the final four, as they should.
Saturday, March 29, 2014
March Madness Reaches the Elite Eight
By Ben
http://blog.formstack.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/university-of-michigan_logo.jpg
So obviously this time of year everybody is talking about March madness. Basketball this basketball that so and so is going all the way yada yada yada. So coming from somebody who is not that into March Madness- My bracket sucks. Absolutely fucking sucks. Like I should probably never participate in March Madness again it was so bad. The only thing I've still got going for me is the fact that I chose Michigan to come out victorious. I'm predicting Arizona vs Michigan and a Michigan state vs Florida final four. How confident am I? Way more confident than I should be. Final is going to be Michigan vs Florida with Michigan taking the Ship. Count on it.
A Moron's Guide to Getting A Girl Back to Your Room
By Ben
http://vegasatmosphere.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/hot-vegas-models-at-club-300x200.jpg
So many of you out there probably don't get laid that often. We've all got something working against us, whether its shitty game, a small dick, or an out of shape body you don't love to show off. There are ways around these things, however. And no I don't mean take "Extenze" or hit the gym (get off your lazy ass and do it anyway).
The fact of the matter is not a single human being on this planet understands women. Not even other women understand women. There are practically different classes of women for Christ's sake. There's the preppy girl, the slut, the tanning obsessor, the party animal, the athlete, the good girl, the girl who respects her body the committed student, the daddy's little girl, and many many more. Does one method work for every category of girl? NO ABSOLUTELY NOT.
You've gotta create your plan of attack differently depending on the type of girl you're going after. For example, party girls and sluts are much more likely to go home from a party with you than a good girl or a girl who respects her body. You've gotta know when you're willing to play the long game and more importantly when you're going to need to/ whether or not its worth it.
For this post we're going to focus on the party girls and sluts who are just out there trying to have a good time.
Say you're at a house party and people are dancing and you see an absolute smoke leaning up against the wall. What do you say to her? Some people like to try a corny pickup line, however this (despite being occasionally effective) is unreliable. Just go up to her not seeming too interested and strike up a conversation. Don't be a pussy. RADIATE CONFIDENCE. I can not highlight this enough, girls fucking love confident guys. You're sexy and you know it, smile, wink, flirt, charm the shit out of her. Eventually, if everything is going well, ask her to dance.
Okay so now you're dancing. You've gotta feel this part out carefully and read the signals she's sending. If shes dancing like a huge whore (I'm talking she puts your hands on her tits and she's completely bent over) you're probably in. If she dances with you for two songs and shows no signs of being bored or wanting to dance with someone else, its safe to go in for the neck kiss. Statistics show that 100% of girls love it when their necks get kissed.
You're kissing her neck now. She's probably getting more into the dancing, maybe taking your hands and putting them on her tits or crotch area (if you hadn't put them there yourself already). Eventually (usually like 15-30 seconds) after you start kissing her neck she'll turn her head and start making out with you. At this point you're doing fucking fantastic, keep it up. After a minute or two of this she'll turn around and you'll grind from the front and continue making out. You're killing it bro, I'm envious right now.
Now here's the huge make it or break it: getting her back to the room. You know you want her to go back, you think she wants to go back, how do you execute. First of all make sure it's been long enough/it's late enough (no girl wants to go back at 10:30). Also, make sure you've been dancing long enough and hooking up long enough that she's not just gonna bounce to the next guy but not go back with you. You've gotta make sure she's definitely interested in getting it in. If that's the case you've got a question to ask.
Do you wanna get out of here? This party is lame, let's go back to the dorms. I've got this KICKASS vodka back in my room if you wanna come take a shot with me? Any of these work however I usually use the vodka one (I always have some in my fridge, whether its an exciting brand or not). Pray to god she says yes, and after that enjoy yourself son.
http://vegasatmosphere.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/hot-vegas-models-at-club-300x200.jpg
So many of you out there probably don't get laid that often. We've all got something working against us, whether its shitty game, a small dick, or an out of shape body you don't love to show off. There are ways around these things, however. And no I don't mean take "Extenze" or hit the gym (get off your lazy ass and do it anyway).
The fact of the matter is not a single human being on this planet understands women. Not even other women understand women. There are practically different classes of women for Christ's sake. There's the preppy girl, the slut, the tanning obsessor, the party animal, the athlete, the good girl, the girl who respects her body the committed student, the daddy's little girl, and many many more. Does one method work for every category of girl? NO ABSOLUTELY NOT.
You've gotta create your plan of attack differently depending on the type of girl you're going after. For example, party girls and sluts are much more likely to go home from a party with you than a good girl or a girl who respects her body. You've gotta know when you're willing to play the long game and more importantly when you're going to need to/ whether or not its worth it.
For this post we're going to focus on the party girls and sluts who are just out there trying to have a good time.
Say you're at a house party and people are dancing and you see an absolute smoke leaning up against the wall. What do you say to her? Some people like to try a corny pickup line, however this (despite being occasionally effective) is unreliable. Just go up to her not seeming too interested and strike up a conversation. Don't be a pussy. RADIATE CONFIDENCE. I can not highlight this enough, girls fucking love confident guys. You're sexy and you know it, smile, wink, flirt, charm the shit out of her. Eventually, if everything is going well, ask her to dance.
Okay so now you're dancing. You've gotta feel this part out carefully and read the signals she's sending. If shes dancing like a huge whore (I'm talking she puts your hands on her tits and she's completely bent over) you're probably in. If she dances with you for two songs and shows no signs of being bored or wanting to dance with someone else, its safe to go in for the neck kiss. Statistics show that 100% of girls love it when their necks get kissed.
You're kissing her neck now. She's probably getting more into the dancing, maybe taking your hands and putting them on her tits or crotch area (if you hadn't put them there yourself already). Eventually (usually like 15-30 seconds) after you start kissing her neck she'll turn her head and start making out with you. At this point you're doing fucking fantastic, keep it up. After a minute or two of this she'll turn around and you'll grind from the front and continue making out. You're killing it bro, I'm envious right now.
Now here's the huge make it or break it: getting her back to the room. You know you want her to go back, you think she wants to go back, how do you execute. First of all make sure it's been long enough/it's late enough (no girl wants to go back at 10:30). Also, make sure you've been dancing long enough and hooking up long enough that she's not just gonna bounce to the next guy but not go back with you. You've gotta make sure she's definitely interested in getting it in. If that's the case you've got a question to ask.
Do you wanna get out of here? This party is lame, let's go back to the dorms. I've got this KICKASS vodka back in my room if you wanna come take a shot with me? Any of these work however I usually use the vodka one (I always have some in my fridge, whether its an exciting brand or not). Pray to god she says yes, and after that enjoy yourself son.
You've Gotta Be Allowed to Drink After a Double OT Victory, Right?
By Ben
http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2013/03/05/sports/05lizards2/05lizards2-articleLarge.jpg
Alright so here's what happened; yesterday after a thrilling double overtime victory for my college lacrosse team a bunch of the guys decided to go out. Our coach has a very strict "48 hour rule" where we cannot drink 48 hours before a game. We do have a game Saturday which means that drinking on Thursday night would be violating this rule. The guys went out anyway, were seen by a senior who was sober, and got ratted on to coach. Now there are eleven kids on our team who are suspended for tomorrows game.
Is this a dickhead move on coaches part or the seniors part? The coach should understand the need to celebrate after a win like that one! Let up, let the kids live who fucking cares if they have a few beers after getting a W? The senior technically did the right thing by telling coach, but still seems a little shitty to me. Settle it with the guys, punish them in a way that doesn't get them suspended. Just seems unnecessary. What do you guys think? Answer in the comments section.
http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2013/03/05/sports/05lizards2/05lizards2-articleLarge.jpg
Alright so here's what happened; yesterday after a thrilling double overtime victory for my college lacrosse team a bunch of the guys decided to go out. Our coach has a very strict "48 hour rule" where we cannot drink 48 hours before a game. We do have a game Saturday which means that drinking on Thursday night would be violating this rule. The guys went out anyway, were seen by a senior who was sober, and got ratted on to coach. Now there are eleven kids on our team who are suspended for tomorrows game.
Is this a dickhead move on coaches part or the seniors part? The coach should understand the need to celebrate after a win like that one! Let up, let the kids live who fucking cares if they have a few beers after getting a W? The senior technically did the right thing by telling coach, but still seems a little shitty to me. Settle it with the guys, punish them in a way that doesn't get them suspended. Just seems unnecessary. What do you guys think? Answer in the comments section.
Friday, March 28, 2014
Wilfork, You Back Bro?
By Ben
What’s that? I’m a little late to the “Vince Wilfork staying in New England” party? Yeah, I am, I needed my beauty sleep.
Whatever. Moral of the story is this fucking animal is staying in New England! Look at Belichick working wonders per usual. We lose Talib and replace him with an upgrade, add offensive weapons to Brady’s arsenal, and manage to hold on to arguably our best defensive player after he requests a release. Magic. Pure fucking magic.
3 years $22.5 million with $3 million guarenteed? Jesus christ I wish I was good at football.
Also, don’t overlook the fact that this means that Wilfork will almost definitely retire a patriot. That’s huge. Vince is one of the guys people think about when they think New England Patriots. It would have been a real shame to have to see him go.
Also, belichick right now:
Where the Fuck is the Malaysian Plane?
By Ben
Alright so at this point I’m sure all of you have heard about the Malaysian plane that went missing. 239 passengers and the thing just vanishes into thin air. How is that possible? It’s not. It’s also hard to imagine someone landing this thing and tricking several countries radars. Whatever the case, here are a few possibilities that I think are feasible.
1) The plane was taken by a terrorist group or country to be used as a weapon.
Especially after 9/11 the United States is especially cautious when it comes to air traffic control and protection. It is feasible that an unknown party seized control of the plane with the intention of loading it full of explosives and using it in some sort of 9/11. However, for this to be possible, the group would have had to fly the plane through several countries radar systems undetected as well as land the plane (which is no easy task with a plane that big). It’s most likely not in a hangar since most hangars of the size needed for this plane are known by the government and most likely have already been searched. Now, it is possible that the airliner could have flown in another planes “shadow” (flying close enough that the two planes come up as one blip on a radar) and there WAS a plane heading the direction they diverted to, however they would have had to fly as close as 1000m for this to trick military radars. For this to be possible every single passenger on board must be dead (RIP). They could not simply collect phones, someone would find a way to hide it. They could have potentially flown to 45,000 ft and depressurized the cabin. Air masks would fall but they run out in 12-15 minutes. In this scenario the pilots too would perish unless they had a separate supply of oxygen which is entirely possible. Is it possible? Yes. Likely? Maybe not so much. Absolutely fucking terrifying if this is what happened? 100%.
(https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqrqluGwsOkjXSrFMv1knI8hCsxePKo924_RIxPUmj5r9YQxhuGe3hQgOajpaW2EINfAtT1z7gAxbZ4dvS16xxdaWBlx96lieT_877ERstmJn-IOI_k0sRNyN8MEZuBRyD2YzYg0ChH4E/s1600/9-1122.jpg)
2) terrorists shot it down as practice.
Terrorists 100% do have the fire power to shoot this thing down. Why would I think they did it as practice and not simply an act of terrorism? If it was an intended act of terrorism the group responsible would have taken credit for it and tried to strike fear in the hearts of countries around the world. Instead, nobody says anything. Why else but they used it as a practice run unless they have some twisted underlying purpose. There are weapons that would annihilate this plane and leave no trace or debris to be found. Definitely feasible, however I think this option is unlikely.
http://cdn.breitbart.com/mediaserver/Breitbart/Big-Peace/2012/Russia/missile-defense.png
3) Electrical malfunction on board caused an international incident.
It’s entirely possible that the electronics on board the plane malfunctioned which caused the plane to go into emergency protocol and change route to the nearest airport. This would explain the change of course without relay to the radio control towers. If this were to happen it is possible that the plane, unable to identify itself, could have been shot down by a country who detected it on its radar. A plane flying without lights and unable to identify itself is definitely a potential threat. After realizing what had happened, the country may have tried to cover it up to avoid being at fault of an international incident. However, if this were to be the case, the country would be digging itself into a bigger hole by keeping the plane hidden for this long.
4) Aliens.
Why is the Malaysian plane missing? Where did it go? Simple answer. Aliens. Why would aliens want one of our planes you ask? Who the fuck knows. They’re aliens. Maybe they want the 239 missing passengers? Maybe they want to put it in some alien museum on their homeworld? Maybe they’re just interested to see how we react. Whatever the case, this is an option simply because it cannot be proven otherwise.
And yes, I do think one of the 26 countries looking for this thing knows where it is. It’s just a matter of which one.
BOOM We're in Business!
What’s that? You don’t think our blog name is funny? Well fuck you kindly, sir. Go find a sense of humor.
What’s up guys welcome to Two Guys One Blog. Here, we will be discussing a variety of things ranging from well-known current events to the dumb shit we did the past weekend. Regardless of the story we guarantee you’ll have a good time.
So at this point you might be wondering who are these “Two Guys”? I’m Ben. My Partner is Evan. We love America, We drink, we fuck, we slack off, and we come up with bogus ideas on how to make money in our spare time. That’s all you’re getting, I didn’t ask about you did I?
Basically, this is how you should be feeling about this post right now: it’s the dawn of a new age ladies and gents.
Let the shit show begin.
Ps. Fuck yeah America
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)