Summer is Coming!

By Ben

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SUMMER IS ALMOST HERE BABY GIRL! For everyone who has awesome plans like going on a road trip or summering somewhere special to work or stay with friends, I am insanely jealous.

Some of us less fortunate students will be spending this summer working. Whether that is going to be for an internship or working on a generic summer job, it sucks either way. Not much you can do about it, college costs money and so does everything else you want.

In this post I want to talk about how bullshit it is that we never truly have an extended break. Nobody does. Parents, adults, CEOs, students, etc. After maybe your freshman year summer in high school it just goes down hill.

Basically the rest of my life looks like this: go to college for a few months every year, work the rest of the months so that I can go back to college the next year. When I graduate college I'll work every day with occasional breaks lasting no longer than a week or two. Sick.

I miss the summers of middle school and freshman year where I legitimately had not a single care in the world. Go to the town beach every single day, bike to friends house since we didn't have our licenses yet, hang out with girls, etc. Those were the best days and they are never coming back.

Yeah the parties are better and we can practically do whatever we want, but I feel as if I'm facing a locked in fate of working for the rest of my life and it intimidates me. I want to experience things, I want to travel, I want to live off the land for a year at some point. I want to do cool ass shit that I probably won't get to do that much of because I'm going to be in constant need of that green shit that runs our lives.

Just something to think about, it's kind of fucked up.


Ps. This will be me this summer:

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Fights

By Ben

Alright guys, so I gotta ask this one. At what point is it reasonable to start a fight? Let's assume we're talking drunk college kids at a party, at one point can you throw a punch and not look like a huge douchebag? When they disrespect you? When they get in your face? When they get in your boy's face? Seriously, help a brother out here cuz I have no fucking idea.

This is a topic today because of two nights ago. I had maybe a little too much to drink before going  out to the soccer team's party. Went to the soccer suite, there were a ton of people there. I'm standing in a hallway talking to a girl when some kid comes up and starts pounding on one of the bedroom doors. I'm talking like kicking the door, banging on it as hard as he can, screaming at the top of his lungs. Basically just making a huge seen and being fucking annoying. I guess it was the kids room and he couldn't get in because someone was fucking on his bed but hey, that's his problem.

So after a minute or two of this kid throwing a tantrum outside the door I turn to him and say "Bro, knocking louder will DEFINITELY make him open the door. Trust me." The kid FREAKS out. Like I'm talking starts screaming so loud he's spitting on me, calling me a pussy piece of shit and a bitch and telling me to get out of the party because it's "his suite" and he can kick out whoever the fuck he wants. Yeah bro, sick. You live here, dope.

So the kids in my face screaming at me close enough I could have kissed the motherfucker and all I say is "You want me out? Remove me yourself you fucking pussy." Kid goes off. Absolutely loses his mind, not that I cared. At this point I was pretty heated too and I was absolutely done with this kids shit. A couple of the guys on the team saw the whole thing go down and as soon as they could tell it was going south they grabbed me. I did NOT want to leave. I was fighting all six of them as they tried to take me out of the room, all I wanted to do was go toe to toe with that motherfucker who thought he was hot shit.

When I got outside the seniors on the team were telling me to calm down and that I was being an asshole. Yeah, I chirped the kid but who fucking cares? Kids chirp all the time. If you're gonna take it personally and get in my face for it you have to at least be ready to throw up fists, right? Like it doesn't make sense to get in a kids face and tell him hes a pussy piece of shit if you're not going to fight him. Whatever, kid wasn't worth it anyway.

But seriously guys, at what point is it okay to throw the punch and not look like a prick? If you ask me, that motherfucker was asking for it.

FIRST EVER MAKE 'EM WET MONDAY!

By Ben

Alright guys so from here on out I'll be posting a bit called "Make 'em Wet Monday" every Monday. Basically, its gonna be a short piece where I give you fuckers a pick up line to try out. Only the best pick up lines here, none of this corny shit that won't ever work.

So you see this girl (left) at a party and you've never talked to her before? Big deal. Grow a pair of balls, walk up to that chick and say, "Hey, I'm (Insert your name). I couldn't help but notice you and I had a question for you." The chicks gonna be like oh god whats this squid gonna ask me. Then you pull out this puppy: "I was wondering, does it make you self conscious to be the most attractive girl in the room?"

BAM. She's yours. eternally in love with you, that line is so good you'll have to get a restraining order when you're done with her. Trust me, its a gift but a curse. Use it wisely.

Final Four

By Ben

Well looks like I pretty much could not have been more off about my final four predictions. Arizona and both Michigans lost, who would have thunk it? Honestly though I'm not even mad. I'm pretty amped that uconn made it this far. I never saw that in a million years. Good for them though, good for them good for the program.

What's not cool is the police brutality videos coming out on youtube. Bro, cops are here to protect the students not assault them. This is like Blarney all over again. Figure it the fuck out campus PDs everywhere.

Seriously though, uconn fuckin partied hard after they made it into the final four, as they should.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIc4mdV_6pk    *disclaimer: I did not take the above video*

A Moron's Guide to Getting A Girl Back to Your Room

By Ben
















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So many of you out there probably don't get laid that often. We've all got something working against us, whether its shitty game, a small dick, or an out of shape body you don't love to show off. There are ways around these things, however. And no I don't mean take "Extenze" or hit the gym (get off your lazy ass and do it anyway).

The fact of the matter is not a single human being on this planet understands women. Not even other women understand women. There are practically different classes of women for Christ's sake. There's the preppy girl, the slut, the tanning obsessor, the party animal, the athlete, the good girl, the girl who respects her body the committed student, the daddy's little girl, and many many more. Does one method work for every category of girl? NO ABSOLUTELY NOT.

You've gotta create your plan of attack differently depending on the type of girl you're going after. For example, party girls and sluts are much more likely to go home from a party with you than a good girl or a girl who respects her body. You've gotta know when you're willing to play the long game and more importantly when you're going to need to/ whether or not its worth it.

For this post we're going to focus on the party girls and sluts who are just out there trying to have a good time.

Say you're at a house party and people are dancing and you see an absolute smoke leaning up against the wall. What do you say to her? Some people like to try a corny pickup line, however this (despite being occasionally effective) is unreliable. Just go up to her not seeming too interested and strike up a conversation. Don't be a pussy. RADIATE CONFIDENCE. I can not highlight this enough, girls fucking love confident guys. You're sexy and you know it, smile, wink, flirt, charm the shit out of her. Eventually, if everything is going well, ask her to dance.

Okay so now you're dancing. You've gotta feel this part out carefully and read the signals she's sending. If shes dancing like a huge whore (I'm talking she puts your hands on her tits and she's completely bent over) you're probably in. If she dances with you for two songs and shows no signs of being bored or wanting to dance with someone else, its safe to go in for the neck kiss. Statistics show that 100% of girls love it when their necks get kissed.

You're kissing her neck now. She's probably getting more into the dancing, maybe taking your hands and putting them on her tits or crotch area (if you hadn't put them there yourself already). Eventually (usually like 15-30 seconds) after you start kissing her neck she'll turn her head and start making out with you. At this point you're doing fucking fantastic, keep it up. After a minute or two of this she'll turn around and you'll grind from the front and continue making out. You're killing it bro, I'm envious right now.

Now here's the huge make it or break it: getting her back to the room. You know you want her to go back, you think she wants to go back, how do you execute. First of all make sure it's been long enough/it's late enough (no girl wants to go back at 10:30). Also, make sure you've been dancing long enough and hooking up long enough that she's not just gonna bounce to the next guy but not go back with you. You've gotta make sure she's definitely interested in getting it in. If that's the case you've got a question to ask.

Do you wanna get out of here? This party is lame, let's go back to the dorms. I've got this KICKASS vodka back in my room if you wanna come take a shot with me? Any of these work however I usually use the vodka one (I always have some in my fridge, whether its an exciting brand or not). Pray to god she says yes, and after that enjoy yourself son.

You've Gotta Be Allowed to Drink After a Double OT Victory, Right?

By Ben















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Alright so here's what happened; yesterday after a thrilling double overtime victory for my college lacrosse team a bunch of the guys decided to go out. Our coach has a very strict "48 hour rule" where we cannot drink 48 hours before a game. We do have a game Saturday which means that drinking on Thursday night would be violating this rule. The guys went out anyway, were seen by a senior who was sober, and got ratted on to coach. Now there are eleven kids on our team who are suspended for tomorrows game.

Is this a dickhead move on coaches part or the seniors part? The coach should understand the need to celebrate after a win like that one! Let up, let the kids live who fucking cares if they have a few beers after getting a W? The senior technically did the right thing by telling coach, but still seems a little shitty to me. Settle it with the guys, punish them in a way that doesn't get them suspended. Just seems unnecessary. What do you guys think? Answer in the comments section.