My Grandmother's Alzheimers

By Ben

Hey guys, I know this is a little more somber than our average post here at The Dorm Room, but I wanted to share this with you guys. I had a school project in which I had to communicate memory to a reader, viewer, or listener through some form of expression. My grandmother passed away this past December and I thought this was a perfect opportunity to create a form of remembrance for her. I wrote a rather long poem/song that captures my understanding of my grandmother's situation as I aged and matured. I plan to hand write a copy and give it to both my father and grandfather.The font shrinking as the poem goes on is meant to represent the fading of my original memories of my grandmother as I grow up.

This is my story.

Ode to Janet

It is difficult to describe how I remember you

For as years slipped away, my memory has too

But despite the years past, I know where to start

Because to look into your eyes was to see into a pure heart

You were a kind soul; all you ever did was give

You may be the most genuine person that has ever lived

I have never once heard negativity come out of your mouth

For negativity was something you could do without

Forever the enthusiast, you supported everything I did

You loved me the way a mother loves her own kid

A woman of respect, beauty, and grace

These are qualities no disease could erase

I hope someday my daughter grows to be like the Janet from my past

Because you’re the kind of woman who’s memory will always last

You’d read me Green Eggs and Ham as I sat upon your lap

You always came bearing gifts that I couldn’t wait to unwrap

You brought my favorite muffins, delicious as could be

You always knew the best ways to spoil me

You’d stand by my bed and tell me a story as I fell asleep

You were the first one to run to me if I were to weep

A grandmother is someone who can never be replaced

They love you, care for you, and protect you when your heart aches

I wish I could go back, knowing what I know now, and see you once again

I wonder if you’d recognize your favorite little Ben

As time passes by, memories begin to fade

No matter what we do, they slowly wash away

Eroding from the mind, like a stone in a stream

Until all that’s left is a shadow of a dream

Like a word unreachable on the tip of your tongue

You forget what was true back when you were young

For you it was different, your memories faded fast

But my memories from when you were whole are the ones I want to last

I don’t remember exactly when I began to notice the change

But slowly things shifted; when you were here you were strange

You’d yell at Grandpa begging him to take you home

I’d listen from the top of the stairs, scared and alone

I didn’t know what was wrong and why you were being so mean

This was a side of you that I had never seen

I began to notice the differences, I caught on pretty quick

Daddy said you had Alzheimer’s and that you were sick

I was just a little boy, I didn’t really understand

So Daddy sat me down and explained while he held my hand

He said “Grandma is forgetting things, it’s part of her disease”

“All we can do is do our best to make sure that she’s at ease”

I went to bed confused and a little bit scared

Of how bad it would really be, I was completely unaware.

Slowly I noticed visits were fewer and farther between

I had reached an age where I knew what this must mean

I had heard my parents whispering about you getting lost around town

And how you got brought home by cops who found you wandering around

You had forgotten what roads would bring you back home

It had reached the point where it was unsafe for you to roam

I knew it was bad, but the severity took me by surprise

It really hit me when I looked into your eyes

I’ll never forget that look on your face

No recognition of who I was, as if I had been replaced

We are your family, but to you we were strangers

At times you even thought we were a danger

It broke my heart to look at you and see you looking back

Knowing that I could do nothing to put you back on track

As time passes by, memories begin to fade

No matter what we do, they slowly wash away

Eroding from the mind, like a stone in a stream

Until all that’s left is a shadow of a dream

Like a word unreachable on the tip of your tongue

You forget what was true back when you were young

For you it was different, your memories faded fast

But my memories from when you were whole are the ones that I want to last

It got bad to the point where my Grandpa needed help

He had come to his limit, he couldn’t do it himself

So eventually you moved out, and into your new home

But never once did he leave you alone

He visited you every day and I did when I could

If I was able to more often you know that I would

Despite the distance I prayed for you every night

I prayed for you to live, and for you to be alright

But I spent long nights awake, thinking in fear

Dreading the possibility that the end was near

I didn’t know how much time that you had

It haunted my whole family, especially my Dad

Then sleep came, from which you would never arise

You would never again open those beautiful eyes

We all wept for hours, hearts breaking in two

I couldn’t accept that I’d never again see you

The hardest part for me was not being able to say goodbye

But even if I had, you would not have replied

I knew you were in a better place but that didn’t make it easy

I didn’t sleep that night, my stomach felt too queasy

Even though you’ve closed your eyes to rest forever

I know you’ll be watching me through my future endeavors

I miss you grandma, more than words could ever describe

But I know that I am blessed to have had you in my life

As time passes by, memories begin to fade

No matter what we do, they slowly wash away

Eroding from the mind, like a stone in a stream

Until all that’s left is a shadow of a dream

Like a word unreachable on the tip of your tongue

You forget what was true back when you were young

For you it was different, your memories faded fast

But my memories from when you were whole are the ones that I want to last

I love you very much, and I always will

Memories fade in time, but Love remains still